Observed action – He won’t commit to me
Some men are just not commitment minded. They will never commit. He is one of those men. It’s so important to choose a commitment minded man in the first place.
Observed action – He commits to the next woman he dates
Obviously, theory 1 is now dis-proven and we need to have a new theory to explain this.
Women’s problems in dating men generally fall into one of these categories.
- Is he good enough for me?
- Am I attracted to him?
- Is he really interested in me?
- Will he commit to me?
Is he good enough
All self respecting women have standards. For a woman to be interested in a man, he must have something going for him… be it looks, position, status, success, confidence, social standing, charisma, charm etc. Some personal quality that distinguishes him from other men. Something that makes him stand out in her eyes and preferably in the eyes of others too.
If the man is not up to standard, the woman will not be interested right from the start.
If you have read my last few posts you may have got the impression that I am just going around in circles and never getting to the point. Perhaps you are wondering if there is actually a point.
There is a point and I am getting right to it in this post.
The problem of a man being reluctant or unwilling to commit has it’s roots right at the beginning of the relationship… when you choose a partner. If you choose the best available man who is interested and wants to have sex with you, it almost guarantees that he will be reluctant to commit down the road. For best results, his interest in a committed relationship with you should be equal to your interest in him. In other words, he must value you as much as you value him.
Assuming you are a mature woman and you are interested in a man, then you will be thinking about the long term… your potential future with this man. This is the way women are.
Unfortunately, men don’t think the same way.
As I referred to previously, men can be very interested in you and yet be totally unconcerned with the future. This is just the way men are. And if you just go with the flow and assume he is on the same page as you, you may be in for a nasty surprise down the road, not to mention all the time you will waste on him.
You meet a new man and you are excited about him. There are many things you like about him and as you get to know him more, your interest level grows. He has a whole range of qualities that you find attractive. For example, he may be tall, successful, has a position of high status and authority, and is charismatic and fun. You see him as a very desirable partner both for now and also for the future.
He seems excited about you too. But…
If you are young, adventurous, very attractive and don’t mind wasting a few weeks, months, or even years if it doesn’t work out, why not try for the absolute best man you can get? You have nothing to lose… you might just get lucky, or at least learn something from the experience. But for the rest, it really pays to select the right man in the beginning.
If you aim too low you will never be happy with a man who will always fall short. If you aim too high you will not be happy either, because he will never commit to the kind of relationship you want, not because he is defective but because on some level he feels you are not good enough. Obviously, there must be a middle ground where you can find a guy that you find attractive and exciting and who also values you highly… highly enough to commit to you.
It’s only human nature to want the “best” partner we can get, settling somehow feels very wrong.
For men that means the most physically attractive woman whose personality he can tolerate. For women, it’s the most desirable man (not just physically attractive) that she “feels” attracted to. So we naturally aim for the best, we aim high. But how high is too high?
If a man tries to aim too high he is quickly shot down by a woman who has much better options. It’s very clear to her based on her past relationships and most women are quick to acquaint any hapless, misguided man with this reality!
What happens when a woman tries to aim too high?