Why he won’t commit

Observed action – He won’t commit to me

Theory 1

Some men are just not commitment minded. They will never commit. He is one of those men. It’s so important to choose a commitment minded man in the first place.

Observed action – He commits to the next woman he dates

Obviously, theory 1 is now dis-proven and we need to have a new theory to explain this.

Theory 2

Men have a commitment switch and they won’t commit until that switch is flipped. What causes that switch to flip is a mystery and thought to be random. Once flipped, the man will commit to the next woman he meets. It’s purely chance to be dating a man at the exact time when his commitment switch randomly gets flipped.

The problem with this theory is that it’s very unsatisfying for the woman. Even if he does commit to her, she feels that he is not committing because she is “special”… but rather that he would commit to almost any woman at this time, and it’s just luck it happened to be her.

Maybe this theory is correct, who knows. But quite frankly, the idea that two people can interact in a relationship and yet the outcome of that relationship has nothing to do with one of the participants (the woman) does seem a bit far fetched to me. I have another theory.

The lifePsyc theory

Men do indeed have a commitment switch. But far from being flipped at random or by some unknown circumstances, it’s operation is entirely predictable.

When a man meets a woman who he regards as so special that he can’t live without, his commitment switch gets flipped. She flips the switch with her feminine awesomeness! There is no mystery.

I think women instinctively know this. Sure it feels bad to persist with a perfectly adorable man year after year only to have him repeatedly refuse to commit. It’s ego and face saving to simply blame the man. But oh-so-hard to reconcile if he then goes on to marry the next woman he meets. No woman wants to admit to herself that she was somehow less than what he required.

Men commit to women who they regard as so special that they can’t live without.

Does that feel about right? After all, it sounds a lot like love… and isn’t that the essential ingredient in all of this?

A man in love is a man who will commit. If he won’t commit, the one and only reason is that he is not in love with you.